Marked Forever After
by xoxogg4lifexoxo
Summary: sry guys I havent updated any of my stories in a long time but im going to try im not sure if i am going to continue with this story but as of right now i am not working on it.
1. Headbands are for the young

Disclaimer: sadly I do not own gossip girl or any of the characters if I did season 3 would have ended with a BANG! and not with wtf moments instead of om- where there nearest bathroom moments lol it did make me sick no joke stomach got turned inside out by the uk promo so i wont watch the unthinkable scenes with a certain Basstard who I still love but he needs to get on his knees and beg for mercy lol. so JS and SS have the rights to the show i do not. If I did me and Ed would hang out all the time ;)

Summary: Sometimes there are things in life that leave you marked forever. They may be mistakes you have made that have caused the people you love great pain they may be the scar from a bullet wound that may fade over time but will always be there, a constant reminder OR they may be the markings left behind from a certain BASStard who no matter how many times has hurt you and caused you pain. HE HAS RUINED YOU for the rest and he still consumes your mind, body, and soul and no matter how hard you try to run away from it and turn your back you can't because your heart always will gravitate back to him, the one who caused your pain. It's because you have been marked forever.

**Marked Forever**

Chapter 1

I would love for someone to tell me why my favorite city besides Manhattan has to be Paris. Or why my father and Roman left me with my mother and came here or why my mother and Cyrus had to follow them and move here as well. Why did my family have to move here out of all the places in the world? Oh and yes can someone please tell me why I thought the best place to be after getting my heart ripped out of my chest is the most romantic city on Earth? Now I see that Tuscany would have been a much better choice after all what better way to hate on the BASSTARD and get over him by going to the place where he deserted me right?

Don't get me wrong I have been having the time of my life. I have been having so much FUN that Serena Queen of the woo girls is finding it hard to keep up. I guess it's tiring going to bars each night, out drinking everyone, letting hot men take shots off of you, dancing on tables and on top of bars, going home with cute French boys who I don't care to learn there names is tiring if your not me. But no I'm not tired I am having the time of my LIFE. I unsubscribed to gossip girl but Serena hasn't and her phone is constantly going off I don't have to steal her phone to know what the buzz is all about I already know it's saying I'm Serena 2.0 and guess what I don't care what the gossip bitch has to say about me. Crazy right Blair Waldorf not caring well it's true I don't.

For once Serena knows the real story she knows the TRUTH. She knows my "FUN" is a cover up because she is the one who runs into my room in the middle of the night because of my reoccurring nightmares. The nightmares I think are just nightmares but when I wake up screaming I see that he isn't there and that those nightmares are just my head replaying the reality of my life. She is also the only one who knows that I have relapsed again.

The thing is my heart isn't just broken over one thing it is also hurting because the code of my inner circle has been broken. WE now JUDGE or even if it is just for this one time, that's all it takes to break up the bond that we have had since infancy. I guess it makes sense I'm "QUEEN B" and I'm broken I mean how could a royal court possibly stay strong when it's Queen has fallen down and has yet to get up from the fall. It's only fitting that the Kingdom has fallen, the Non-judging breakfast club has been torn apart.

"Blair," Serena shouted," Earth to Blair!"

"Huh?" I snapped out of my thoughts.

"I just said that there is a cute little headband boutique right over there," she pointed to a little store across the street. Before I could even object she grabbed my hand and dragged me across the street and pushed me into the boutique. "B look at all these headbands they are gorgeous," she said to me with her bright smile.

Serena was right they were all so beautiful each one more exquisite than the last. These headbands were truly meant for a queen.

"Blair look at this one," Serena said to me as she picked up a crystal-encrusted headband and placed it in my hands. I couldn't deny it this headband was so breath taking and in fact it probably was the one headband I had been searching my entire life for well at least 19 years of my life for. I went over to the mirror that was right by the display window of the store that showed the beautiful Paris streets. I gently placed the headband on my head and looked in the mirror. It was a perfect match for me I'm pretty sure that it was made just for Blair Waldorf and I closed my eyes and smiled a real smile. But when I opened my eyes I realized this headband wasn't for me, it was for Blair the little girl who still believed in fairy tales. I no longer believe in childish dreams and I don't need to go put a headband back on my head to hide again I don't need to be that insecure person. I slowly took the headband off and smiled because I'm free I will no longer be the girl who is trapped and hides behind dreams because I'm Blair Waldorf and everyone should know the real ME. As I was taking the headband off I smiled again to myself and I looked up out of the store window and I saw him. I saw the BASSTARD who completely broke me. He was looking right at me as if he knew everything that was going through my mind as if he knew what I just told myself. He stood there for a second and made eye contact with me and wore his trademark smirk and nodded and then went off with some tall blond woman. And he was gone and it wasn't a ghost it was him and he was really in Paris. Just as quickly as this happened I felt my chest tightening, restricting oxygen from filling my lungs, I felt my knees starting to buckle.

"SERENA," I screamed. She dropped the headbands she was holding and ran over to me as my legs gave out and I fell to the ground.

"Blair what's happening," she was panicked," Blair what's wrong?"

"He," I couldn't breathe, "H ugh h ugh HE," I swallowed trying to muster up the strength to say it, "he is here, he is here Serena!" I screamed.

"Who, who is here?" Serena said looking around and saw no one but a very confused and worried French sales clerk.

"I, I, I saw CHUCK," it was the first time I said his name in two months and with that my panic attack went into full effect and that was the last thing I remember before passing out in Serena's arms.

TBC

A/N also this story will not be all from Blair's point of view so I will at some point change so from now on I will put a BPOV or CPOV but it wont happen for a while i dont know for sure yet but as right now its all blair's thoughts and perspective. also introducing a new Character may or may not stick around IDK yet and another one but it will be addressed later and there will be a rant about it. Also REVIEW please press the button and review because it makes me smile and want to write more so press the button and make me smile.

xoxo


	2. the cafe

Chapter 2

At the Café

B POV

After my panic attack at the small little boutique filled with headbands, I would have died for if I still wore headbands. I guess you can say I almost did die back there, but it wasn't because of the damn headbands it was because I saw the devil's eyes on me. I found my self in bed back in my room at my father's château with Serena sitting next to me looking at me with worried eyes.

" Um how did I get back here?" I asked with a raspy I just woke up voice.

"Roman came and got us and he carried you out of the store into the car and up into your room I told him not to tell your father because he is already worried about you," she paused and looked at me, "Blair I haven't seen that happen to in you in a while the last time that happened was when we first arrived in Paris and it was because of what happened with," she stopped her self from saying his name, "and then before you passed out you said-"

"I know what I said S I know what I said," I cut her off and sat up in my bed staring at her, " He is HERE in this city," I said looking down into my hands because I couldn't hold back the tears from running down my face and then I looked back up at her," he came here after two months, after I told him I never wanted to see him again, he is here in Paris and it's a fact."

"How do you know this?" Serena asked me very confused.

"I know this because I saw him, he was right outside the store watching me through the display window," and with that I let it all go and let my head fall onto Serena's lap and sobbed while she rubbed my back trying to soothe me.

"It's going to all be alright I promise."

I didn't answer her I just let my tears keep falling because I knew in my heart that it was never going to be ok but I also knew that this new Blair wasn't hiding.

About an hour later I stopped crying and was reapplying my makeup. When I became very hungry and I wanted to go out, nothing and no one was ever going to stop me, not anymore.

"S I'm hungry."

"Ok well I know that your father should be home soon and you know how he loves to feed us," she laughed.

"No I was thinking we go to my favorite café," I said with a forced smile.

"Are you sure?" she asked me cautiously.

"Yes, I'm sure just because he is here doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing what I have been doing all summer long," I paused, " and besides like I said before I'm done hiding especially from HIM."

"Ok then let's go," Serena said with a smile.

We were now sitting outside at my favorite café looking at menus when I heard Serena gasp.

"What?" I snapped my head up from the menu, annoyed that she disturbed my concentration.

"UM, you know I don't know if I want to eat here," I looked at her with my eyebrows raised, " I mean didn't they serve you a stale croissant the other day?" she said to me as her eyes wondered somewhere else.

"Well yes, but surprisingly I still love this place. I always come here when I'm in town, but seriously S what is going on," I already knew she was trying prevent me from seeing something when she wasn't even making eye contact with me when she was talking, the question is what on earth is she trying to distract me from? The only thing in France that she can possibly try to protect me from is-, "He's here," I stated in a soft whisper. Serena only could nod at me. "Well I'm not leaving I told you I'm not going to run away like the coward he is."

"Well would it be ok if I told my best friend in the whole wide world how proud I am of her?" Serena smiled at me," but I should warn you," great just what else could possibly be a problem, "he is here with a girl," oh that's what else could possibly be the problem, "Do you want me to-" I already knew what Serena was thinking. She was getting her finger's ready to text Christopher Blanc, a young entrepreneur from France who moved to New York as a baby but owns several night clubs in Paris, he has dark hair, blue eyes, and olive skin very exotic looking and extremely handsome. I met him at one of his club's two weeks ago and have been on three dates with him, he isn't boring and he is no Lord Marcus or Cameron, it's an upgrade.

"Do you have to even ask?" I looked at her with a grin.

"No, and I already texted him he should be here shortly," she said excitedly, Serena really liked him and thought he was a nice change for me she also liked hanging out with his hot friends.

Ok, yes the old Blair who is hiding would find a man to use as a decoy. But I swear Christopher isn't a decoy and if he was can anyone blame me? I mean the nerve of the basstard showing up her after two months to a place we used to go together with another GIRL! It's a funny realization that I was always the one doing the chasing he never ran after me or sacrificed his dignity to find me no the only thing he would say his sacrifice was would be telling me he loved me. Oh and what a lie that is, if loved me at all how could he do all those things to me. I mean the jerk actually took "I never want to see you again", "goodbye", and "done for good" literally, after all the nights we stayed in his (our) penthouse watching all my favorite romantic comedy's he never picked up on the fact that he was suppose to follow me even when I say those things even if I am completely devastated. Wait what I'm I thinking I no longer believe in FAIRYTALES and HOLLYWOOD MOVIES. I'm done with that just like I am done chasing men and in particular men that are named after a fish.

"So what do you want to do order now or wait for Christopher to get here?" Serena asked trying to distract me from my thoughts.

"Um, no lets wait for him," I said only because I wasn't really paying attention to details when we went on our dates or what the man decided to eat that night, but what I do remember is a glass in his hand with a very familiar amber liquid, "you know what S I think we should start ordering some drinks," I said with MY trademark smirk, which made Serena laugh.

"Aw well it looks like I found my best friend again," we both started to laugh, but we were interrupted.

"Charles," a blond woman with a French accent called, "our table is ready," she said as she walked past us and took a seat at a table behind Serena that was diagonally across from ours and following close behind her was none other than the BASShole himself.

All Serena and I could do was just exchange looks and all I could say was "Charles?" I am sure the look on my face was priceless I mean is he really being referred to as Charles? The only people he will ever let call him by his full name is a limited list of people one was Bart, the others who are still alive and breathing are Lily, Eleanor, Harold, Cyrus, Roman, he even let his Brooklyn step-father Rufus call him by his name on occasion, and Me but I rarely ever did, and of course when he first formally met someone that had to deal with business but would tell them immediately to call him Chuck. As hurt and upset as I am this was just weird.

As the man who broke my heart sat down facing my direction our waitress finally arrived. Surprisingly she spoke English and was in fact from America. " Yes, we would like to get started by ordering some drinks we are still waiting on one person to arrive," I smiled politely

"Ok that's great," she said reaching into her apron to get out her pad, "I'm sorry but I think I left my paper in the kitchen I will be right back to take your orders," she said before running back inside.

"Ok I know I shouldn't say anything, but that was weird, " Serena said to me now raising her eyebrows.

"What, oh you mean how our waitress in Paris has a New York accent?" I smiled, I knew what Serena was referring to but I can try my best to stall her on saying it out loud, " I mean I guess it's a bit odd but she's young looks about our age I would say she is working here while doing a summer abroad program or she has a gay father who moved here with his lover and comes from midtown Manhattan and must work in order to pay for the time she gets to spend with her father," both girls could help but burst out into a fit of hysterics.

"No, but it does sound very familiar except the part about coming from midtown and having to work, " Serena tried catching her breath from laughing so hard, " but B you know what I'm talking about," I rolled my eyes, "the whole Char-" Serena was interrupted by a waiter holding a martini.

(WARNING: I don't speak French so let's pretend the waiter and Blair for this part are speaking French)

"Here is your drink Miss," the waiter said placing a martini down in front of me.

"I'm sorry but I did not order this," I already knew who ordered it because I could already feel his eyes on me.

"No, the man over there ordered it for you he said it is your favorite," the waiter said pointing towards the BASSholes direction. Serena looked at me curiously as I lifted the glass off the table.

What I am about to do is hard, but it must be done. Because there is no way he will be getting to me or wooing his way back to me. Especially while he has a new girl with him and not after everything he is done. So I'm putting my game face on.

I looked at Serena and smiled then turned my head towards "Charles" who was already smiling at me and I smiled back at him. I then raised my martini in the air and with a smile I flipped it upside down and let the contents of the glass fall to the ground.

Our waitress returned seconds later. "Oh I'm so sorry I'm really clumsy I spilled my drink," I said glancing at Serena.

"We will get that cleaned up," she said to me as she got the attention of a busboy, "so what drinks can I get for you?"

"I'll have a Cosmo," Serena said.

"And you," she turned to me.

"I'll have a martini with extra olives and can you also bring out a glass of your finest scotch," I smiled knowing the Basstard was still looking at me.

"Scotch?" a mans voice said, " Blair I'm surprised you remembered my favorite drink," Christopher said as he went and kissed Serena's hand and then came around to sit next to me and put his arms around my shoulders and leaned into give me a gentle kiss on the lips.

"So will you join me for the opening of my new club tonight I also have a friend for Serena?" he asked me.

"I would love to," I glanced at my best friend who was nodding, "I mean we would love to," I smiled and gave him another kiss.

I no longer felt the devils eyes on me.

TBC

A/N I hoped you liked this chapter and please review seriously it makes my day and makes me want to write more get more stuff up here faster hope you liked it and want to stick around. More

Also special thanks to L I love you girl xoxo

XOXO


	3. Say Goodbye to Sacred

A/N: I worked extremely hard on this chapter and there a few parts to it there are a lot going on and I hope you guys bare with me I now have a pretty complete plan as to where and how the story will go. In the chapter Blair goes through a lot of things, a lot of important realizations I also want to mention that Blair and everyone else do not know about Prague in my story. Also I would like to add that many and myself included believe a lot of sacred things have been ruined when it comes to CHAIR so I do, do something in that sense and you may hate me for it but I do something with what happens later on in the story and trust me all will be good but it will be different I just felt like I had to so something and trust me there are many amazing things ahead. And the next couple chapters coming up are in Chucks POV. So please read and review I worked super hard on this chapter and super hard on this story so please let me know what you think I love reading and replying to all of you guys. Also check out my profile for the outfit Blair wears to the club

Chapter 3: Say Goodbye to Sacred.

**PT I**

**BPOV**

Christopher is really amazing. I know, Serena texted him to come to my rescue but, I really do like him. I mean if I was still young and naive I would look at him and say he was a knight in shinning armor that came to my rescue and saved me before I fell apart. I don't believe in those kinds of things anymore but if I did he would be just that, a knight in shinning armor. There is something about him though, it's like I know him, like I really truly know who he is and it's strange because I have only known him for two weeks. So why does being around him seem so familiar? He even made me forget about how the BASStard was only sitting a hundred feet away from me, for brief second.

I think I should re-subscribe to Gossip Girl. I mean as much as I hate the bitch she is useful when it comes to keeping tabs on people, not like I care where he is or anything or will change plans to avoid him it would just give me a heads up if he is in the same proximity as me and give me time to prepare myself and not be surprised. I mean if anything is _**INEVITABLE**_ it is running into him. So I reached into my purse and got my phone out and quickly underneath the table re-entered a world of Upper East Side drama known as Gossip Girl.

"Oh B, doesn't the club sound amazing?" Serena squealed while taking the last sip of her second Cosmo, " I can't wait for tonight."

"Me too," I smiled at my best friend before turning to the man next to me, "Christopher it sounds amazing I can't wait to see all the entertainers it sounds amazing," I smiled at him, " I mean dancers, aerial artists, dj's, and a live band it's going to be spectacular."

"Blair, please call me Chris I hate being called Christopher although you do make it sound very," he paused for a moment while he raised his hand to my face and gently touched my chin tilting my head up as he leaned in closer to me, "very sexy," he finished in a soft whisper before he crashed his lips into mine. I let his tongue invade my mouth. The kiss was like every other kiss I had this summer they were nothing like _**his**_ kisses. There were no sparks there was nothing there that would ignite a fire. "And yes, it's going to be spectacular," he whispered with a smile.

"So Chris," Serena chimed in obviously feeling left out, "tell me about this friend of yours what's he like?"

Chris started talking to Serena about Michelle Blanc, his best friend and cousin who I met last week at a club, but I couldn't pay attention. All I could think about was sparks, fire, flames, and fireworks. I only had all that with _**him**_ but, maybe all those things were just part of my old fairytale dreams.

Why is it that this club makes me think about one of the best nights of my life, Victrola. That night the spotlight was on me and I loved it but it was because_** his**_ eyes were on me that's what made it so magical. I loved how those dark eyes were only on me, watching every move I made, memorizing everything I did. I love how when he was watching me he was wearing his trademark smirk and then how it turned into one I never seen before. It was a smirk of fascination, it was as if he was hit with a ton of bricks and woke from a coma and was seeing the world for the very first time and then he did the most amazing thing, he smiled. I love it when he smiles it truly is the most beautiful smile and he was smiling because of me. That night will always be _**sacred**_. What is wrong with me? Why is it that I feel my stomach fluttering again? Is this God's cruel joke that these butterflies won't go away and flutter forever? I need to get of here.

As I snapped out of my thoughts I heard Chris still talking about his friend. The only thing about the conversation I caught onto was something about attending Brown. I feel sick, I can't think, I need to get some air. "I'm sorry, but you will have to excuse me for a moment I need to go use the ladies room," I said aloud. Serena had a concerned look on her face, I guess she caught me spacing out and she was worried I was freaking out again. Well I was, but I just nodded "no" so she wouldn't follow me.

I got up from my seat, grabbed my purse, turned around, and casually walked inside the café and into the ladies room.

As soon as I entered the bathroom I began to feel panic overwhelm me. It was as if it finally sank in that _**he **_was here and it wasn't a dream or a hallucination and he was here with another girl, it was the same blonde girl I saw outside the store this morning. I mean it's not surprising he is always with whores it's the reason why I hate him it's the reason why I'm here with Serena and not him it's the reason why I'm in this bathroom going crazy. What is wrong with me?

Will I ever be good enough? I wasn't good enough for Nate he preferred my tall blond bubbly best friend over me, originally I was using Lord Marcus, but in the end I did end up really liking him and I still wasn't good enough for him either in fact he rather fuck his stepmother then be with me, Carter well he saw how sad I was I mean getting rejected by Yale, I was so foolish to believe that dreams come true, but he used me to get back at _**him**_ and now I know _**he**_ deserved it, and then there was Chuck Bass.

Chuck Bass is very different from the BASStard I see today. Chuck Bass was the underdog everyone overlooked and never invested there time on, but I did because I _**believed**_ in fairytales. Chuck Bass was a scared lonely little boy and somehow became my hero, my leading man. Chuck Bass _**was**_ my dream. In the end I was also not good enough for Chuck Bass. The BASStard, is weak and mean and let's everyone down. He proves his father right and allows everything he touches crumble before him. The BASStard doesn't talk about his feelings he shuts off what he calls a heart and a brain and remains silent. He deals with his pain and sadness by using boos, drugs, and anything with two breasts and opened legs willing to let him have his release. So I was not good enough for Chuck Bass or the BASStard, but he taught me something important. He taught me how painful a _**real**_ broken heart is and how fairytales and dreams _**aren't **_real.

"I'm not good enough" is the mantra I kept repeating to myself as I swung open the door to the bathroom stall. And there it was staring right at me that beautiful white porcelain bowl, my angel, my miracle worker, a problem solver, and close friend. I slowly put one foot into the stall and stopped. NO, I wasn't going to do this. I was not going to go back to a friend who fed into my dreams and fantasies, a friend who fed on my flaws, a friend who fed into my longing for my mother's approval. NO! Not anymore I'm done. This was something the old me would do, the person who thought perfection was out there. I stepped back and completely out of the stall and looked at something I once thought was a goddess. Goodbye dear friend you were always there for me when no one else was, but you were _**never**_ kind to me. I shut the door and turned around.

I looked in the mirror and I finally saw a girl, no I saw a woman I was proud of, a person who was strong. I took a deep breath and walked out the door.

I was on my way back to the table when my phone went off.

_**Spotted**__: Looks like Paris is the city to be in if you have a broken heart or at least mending one. Our fallen Queen __**B**__ has been spotted around town as of late with Christopher Blanc and will be attending his club opening tonight. It also looks like __**S **__wont be going stag, Sorry __**N **__looks like you will still be using your Bass playbook for a while back in New York. Speaking of Bass after being MIA for two months __**C **__seems to have reappeared and In Paris no less with a new identity and girlfriend by his side. Wonder what our Queen will do when she finds out this little bit of information. All I know is this summer just got a whole lot more interesting._

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Gossip Girl**_

Girlfriend? Did she just say girlfriend? She must be wrong he can't have a girlfriend. He just can't. You know what this doesn't surprise me I mean there is so many things I thought would never happen and well they did. He just destroys everything sacred. Well I learned the hard way yet again that nothing is.

I finally looked up from my phone and composed myself before walking outside. The first thing I saw when I stepped out was the BAsstard staring right at me. I knew he saw the blast and I didn't give him the satisfaction of reacting because were done, we over, and there is nothing to react to.

"Blair," I turned my head to Serena's voice as she and Chris got up from the table, "we just paid the check," she finished saying as she made her way over to me.

"Ok, good so are we ready to go then?" I asked already knowing the obvious answer to that would be, yes.

"Well, no, not just yet," Chris said as he came up to me with a sweet smile, " I have to go run over to the club to oversee some details for tonight and make sure everything is going smoothly, " I nodded, " But if it's ok with you I would like a kiss goodbye," I just nodded with a smile and gave him a soft kiss, "well, now were all set to go," he laughed, "Me and Michelle will come pick you girls up in my limo around seven," he said to us before giving me a kiss on the cheek and walking away.

"So," Serena said as she spun me around and started to walk with me out of the gated area of the café, "did you see the blast?" She asked in a very low whisper.

"Yes," I said softly knowing that the BASStard was still looking at me and holding back the venom that wanted to come out when thinking about what I just read.

"And?" Serena of course had to push me further.

"And, nothing I like Chris and I don't care about who he is with or what he does. I mean did it look like it bothered me that he was looking at me the entire time we were here? No, because I don't care," I said trying to get off this subject as quick and painless as possible but Serena just gave me the "you don't want me to answer that" look.

"Your right," she said with a smile knowing I was trying to avoid this conversation, "so where are we off to now?"

"Well right now we have dates and a club opening to go to and there was a store we passed this morning that had dresses I'm pretty sure were calling my name," I giggled to the blond walking next to me.

"Ahhh, another shopping trip," she laughed.

"S, this is what we do and it is one of the things I do best," I smirked at her.

"And what other things does Blair Waldorf do best?" She asked me curiously.

"Do you really want me to answer that question?' I raised my eyebrows.

" I meant besides that," she laughed.

"Oh you know scheming, spying, and taking down the people who weasel their way into the Upper East Side," I said while walking into the store with Serena.

**PT II**

Me and Serena were back home getting ready for our dates. I still couldn't decide on what to wear tonight after buying several different options.

"So?" I said turning around to Serena showing off the new teal Roland Mouret dress I just finished zipping up.

"Oh my god B it's so cute, I love it," my blond best friend exclaimed as I studied myself in the mirror. I was just about to tell Serena that I still wasn't so sure about the dress and how I wanted to wear something a little sexier when both our phones went off.

_**Blast**_: _The word on the streets of Paris is that __**C**__ just snagged an invite to tonight's big event. Looks like C and his new girlfriend whose name I just learned is Eva will be crashing this little soiree tonight. Watch out __**B**__ we don't want to see our Queen Bee getting stung again._

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Gossip Girl**_

Oh so the BASStard wants to play games after everything he has done to me. fine, he can go right ahead. I'm not playing games, I'm done with that, I've played and got hurt and now I'm in retirement, but it wouldn't hurt to have some fun with it right? I mean as long as I'm doing it to put a complete end to it once and for all.

"B, are you ok?" Serena asked me after reading the blast.

"Huh? Oh yes the blast well I don't care if that's what he wants to do fine but trust me this will not be ruining my night," I said to her as I unzipped my dress, "but, I would like to be myself for a little while, " I finished saying while shimming out of the dress and placing it back in the garment bag.

"Um, are you sure you want me to leave?" Serena asked me with a concerned look.

"Yes, S I'm fine trust me all I want you to do is be ready before me so when the men get here you can go down and greet them," I smiled sweetly at her.

"Ok, if you need me I'll be right here in the next room," she said to me as she hesitantly got up from the bed and walked over to the door.

"Ok," I said to her before she opened and closed the door finally leaving me alone in my bedroom.

So if the BASStard came here to play games and see me break he can go forget it. I'm not going to, but what I am going to do is exactly what he has been doing, I'm going to throw away things that are scared.. And tonight it won't only be his eyes on me it will be everyone's eyes on me.

I went into my closet and took out a garment bag that I thought I would never open. I unzipped the bag and took out my Preen black lace mini dress. It is probably one of the most revealing dresses I have here in France, or at least the one I didn't throw away because I bought it myself , but never had the guts to wear. It wasn't something I, Blair Waldorf would never wear or at least the Blair people back home in New York remember. This dress was very sexy and left little to the imagination the only thing it covered completely were my intimate parts, tonight everyone will know what La Perla's I'm wearing. Yes, this is the dress I'm wearing tonight.

I laid my dress on my bed and then went back into my closet. I picked up the Christian Louboutin box that contained my lace and python ankle booties and then grabbed my black Alice and Olivia blazer. The blazer will be a perfect cover up until I fully reveal myself at the club. I then went over to my vanity and picked out the jewelry I would be wearing for the show I'm putting on tonight, the ancient burial of all things sacred.

After getting dressed I heard the doorbell ring and heard Serena's stiletto heels smacking the ground as she ran downstairs. I looked in the mirror and I looked amazing, I looked sexy. I closed my eyes and smiled. I opened them again and I looked in the mirror and I saw the girl who danced on the stage at Victrola. I closed my eyes and a tear rolled down my face. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes and I saw myself today, you can do this. I took a deep breath and grabbed my Judith Leiber bag and took one good last look at myself before heading out my bedroom door.

As I descended down the staircase I kept thinking back to that night, that night at Victrola and how I felt free, how I felt sexy and how tonight I would feel the same. I would feel everyone's eyes on me. How I will be the talk of the night and how if Paris didn't know Blair Waldorf tonight they would know who she was by tomorrow morning.

Serena was laughing at something Michelle was saying, but immediately stopped when she saw me. For the first time ever was speechless over my appearance. "Wow B, you look, you look amazing!" Serena finally said to me with a wide smile. I finally turned to look at Chris and he couldn't speak, words just seemed unable to come out when ever he tried to open it and Michelle also wore the same expression and I am pretty sure he forgot about the pretty blond standing next to him for a moment.

"You, ugh look so," Chris started to finally say something to me, "Beautiful," he smiled at me like a child, it was really adorable I couldn't help but blush and let out a bashful giggle.

"Well are we all ready to go?" I asked with a confident smile.

"Ugh, yes" Chris said to me clearing his throat again, "oh and you remember Michelle," he gestured to him.

"Yes, I remember," I said walking over to him to greet him with a friendly kiss on the cheek.

"You look amazing Blair," Michelle said to me in complete awe as he took in my appearance again.

"Thank you," I giggled again like I was still a schoolgirl at Constance.

We walked out of the house and towards the limo. Serena and Michelle walked ahead of us and got into the vehicle. Before I could even get in Chris grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"You Blair Waldorf, look incredible," he said to me looking at me as if he wanted to take me here and now before pulling me into his embrace. I pulled away, giving him one of my classic devious smirks.

"Well if you keep looking at me that way who knows where that may get you," I winked at him before getting into the awaiting limo.

Did I just say that to him? I am not ready to have sex with, am I? Do I even want to be with anyone? I couldn't help it. It was the way he was looking at me, I mean he didn't have dark eyes that go on forever, but the way he is looking at me it's like he was undressing me with his eyes. It's like how Chu- OH MY GOD it's like him.

Everything leads back to him, that BASStard who ruined me. I'm now stuck with a guy who is a different version of him. Why can't he just leave me alone? Why can't he just disappear from my thoughts, from my head? I need a drink, the second I'm done posing for pictures with Chris I'm heading to the Bar. I need to stop comparing him to everyone. I have to stop thinking.

"So Michelle," Serena said trying to make small talk with him, "how do you and Chris know each other?"

"Um, S I think there cousins, They share the same last name I know there not brothers because Chris has only mentioned sisters," I cut in with a smile trying to distract myself from getting lost in thoughts about _**him**_.

"Yes, that is right we are first cousins," Michelle chuckled.

"So you never told me how you and Serena met," Chris joined in and asked me.

"Oh well me and Serena have been best friends since before we were even born," I smiled at my best friend.

"Yeah, besides the fact that our mothers went to high school together and they were in Lamaze class together," Serena continued the story, "they also met two other girls there and somehow the four women became best friends, but things happened and now our moms are the only ones who are still very close, which is a shocking friendship if you met our mothers," we looked at each other and laughed," so I guess you can say the four of us have been best friends since we were born," Serena finished. I just stared at her. Did she just mention the Non-Judging Breakfast Club? Did my best friend just mention something so stupid? To even call the BASStard a friend is a joke. I could forgive Nate easily I'm not even sure if I'm mad at him, but the BASStard never. He is a fake and phony. He is the devil or some kind of witch because he must of put a spell on me that is the only explanation as to why I ever fell for him.

"So what happened to the other two people that make up your group of four?" Michelle asked Serena.

I can't believe she would even mention them I was screaming to myself.

"We had a big falling out with them two months ago," I quickly began to answer before Serena could mention more details," and well now it's just the two of us and it will _**never**_ be the four of us ever again," I finished before turning my head and looking at the window. I'm pretty sure the two clueless men we were with picked up on how touchy the subject was for me because the rest of our ride was in silence.

**PT III**

After arriving at the club and posing for pictures with Chris I grabbed Serena's hand and made my way to the bar. I needed a drink and not just one drink many drinks. Every time I think about how things use to be it tears me apart. How we used to be the Non-Judging Breakfast Club or how it used to be Serena and Nate or how it used to be me and Ch-. "Blair I'm sorry that I-" Serena interrupted my thoughts and was trying to apologize to me for bringing it up, but I didn't want to hear about it tonight, so I interrupted her.

"It's fine," I gave her a fake smile before turning my head to get the attention of a bartender, "yes, I would like 6 shots please," I told him.

"Um, B are sure you want to have six shots right now?" Serena started questioning me.

"Yes, three for me three for you of course, the night is young," I giggled as the bartender came back with the shots I ordered. I picked up two and handed one to Serena.

"So, what are we taking shots for?" Serena asked me curiously.

"Ok, this shot is for me not relapsing today, back in the café bathroom," I said raising my glass.

"I'm very proud of you and glad you talked yourself out of it by yourself," She raised her shot glass with me as we threw back the first shots. I let the alcohol burn my throat before slamming my glass back down onto the bar counter.

"And this one," I said picking up two more shots and handing another to my best friend, "is for tonight," I said clinking my glass to hers before throwing another one back.

"And what's the last one for?" Serena asked me.

The last one is for me. It's for me showing everyone who I really am. It's for me not being scared anymore. It's for me being done with hiding. It's for me being the person everyone can't stop talking about. So I picked up the last two shots and handed the last one to Serena.

"This one is for the return of Baby Vamp," I laughed remembering what a drag queen called out to me while I was up on stage at Victrola.

"Who is Baby Vamp?" Serena asked me.

"Oh, S you will find out. It's a surprise, but all you have to know is that she is here tonight and it's going to get fun," I said before throwing the last shot back.

I turned around to look for the boys only to spot the BASStard making his way over to the bar with his new girl, and walking right in my direction. I turned back around to Serena and took yet another deep breath. I don't know why, but I feel like crying. I am not going to, I'm not going to break down and if I did it wouldn't be here tonight and it wouldn't be because of _**him**_. So I turned my head back around to search for the boys.

"Serena, I can't see them anywhere, but I think once we start dancing they will find us," I winked at her.

"Well that is true we do tend to turn heads," She giggled before grabbing my hand and dragging me pat the BASShole and his French friend and onto the dance floor.

As Serena dragged me past the man who almost ruined me, who am I kidding I am ruined and he isn't a man he is a devil. He is the devil who stole my heart and maybe even my soul and stomped all over it until there was nothing left or at least nothing I could ever recognize again. I just couldn't help but turn to look at him, as I got closer to him. And of course he was already eyeing me. Does the devil always have to look at me? Is it because he can see right through me and can see that my heart is missing and is admiring his work? Maybe he can't stop looking at me because he is looking for something that is no longer there. If that's the case he will be looking at me forever because he is never going to find it again.

"Charles," I heard his "girlfriend" call to him. I immediately turned my head in another direction.

What is up with that? Is he really being referred to as Charles? Hearing someone call him that is like me being in another world or galaxy it is strange and it bothers me. This just proves my point there has to be something wrong with me, to let anything about him bother me, but it does.

Serena finally got us to the dance floor. The club was busy and it was perfect. There were people above us hanging and twisting in sheer curtains. There were several DJ booths in balconies. In the back of the room there was a large stage for a band but it was low to the ground. In front of that stage were three little stages that were a bit higher then the big stage that had professional dancers on them, it was cool because before they raise the stage you think the dancers are just part of the crowd it's is pretty cool. There was fog and smoke machines and all these different kinds of lights it was a club all right.

"B, I love this song," Serena yelled at me over all the people and the loud music.

"Yeah me too," I screamed back at her, "let's show them what we got," I threw my head back and laughed.

We were dancing for a while but there still were no signs of our dates anywhere. "B, lets find the boys," Serena yelled at me once again over the music.

"No, S trust me they will be coming to us," I yelled back at her again. It was time to forget about sacred. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" She asked me.

"Trust me S, you will see just remember what our last shot was for, Baby Vamp is joining the party," I laughed.

"B, I don't know who that is or what that even means," She yelled back at me while throwing her hands back up in the air and dancing.

"I know you don't but you will," I yelled back at her once again before turning around to make my way to the big stage with the band.I remember Chris telling me something about the band he got to play for the opening. I don't remember the name of the band, but I remember thinking it sounded familiar. All I know is that I need to pick out a perfect song to do this to.

"Hi," I said to the lead singer, "um, what is the name of your band again," I asked trying to find out what songs I could choose from.

"Oh we are the Soho Dolls," the singer answered me. This just became too perfect this is really is going to be amazing this is going to show him how nothing matters. " Were about to go on right after this song, when the dj and dancers go on their breaks and the stages are lowered to the ground, do you have any requests?" She asked me.

"Yes I do," I said with smile, "do you mind if you start off the night playing Stripper?" I asked politely.

"Actually that's what were are planning on doing we got a request a couple minutes ago by some guy to start the night off with that song." She laughed.

"Oh," that's all I could say it was kind of odd someone would request that song too, "well anyway also do u mind if I used the center stage? The guy I'm dating is the owner and I have a little surprise for him," I smiled because I have learned that dating anyone that owns anything always has its perks.

"Yes that wouldn't be a problem just go get ready because were about to go on," she said to me with a smile before resuming what ever she was doing before. I nodded my head before making my way over to the stage.

Everyone will see me, the real me. They will see the person behind all the barriers I have put up. They will see how free and wild I am and how I can put on a show. They will see how this Baby Vamp works it.

The club went black the music stopped and the club fell silent. I stepped onto the stage and took a deep breath and it was time, the music started to play.

It was time to say goodbye to sacred.

The lights went on and revealed the Band playing and I was still waiting in the dark, waiting to make my grand entrance.

_Well ana you're late and maya, I'm here._

_The boys in the band,_

_Decide to appear._

The spotlight was then flashed on me and I revealed myself with a big sexy smirk. I was slowly swaying my hips from side to side and lifted one arm in the air.

_We walk through the door Savour the air._

_The girls on the floor,_

_I've come here to stare._

_We've come here to stare._

_Yeah_

Everyone was now looking at me watching my every move. It feels great, but it doesn't feel as good as it did _**that**_ night. I saw Serena in the crowd as I continued to dance her face was priceless when she realized it was me up on stage putting on the show for everyone. She ran over the stage to get a better look at me.

_Don't touch the girls,_

_don't kiss the girls,_

_I have the right to pull the girls._

_Get in a fight,_

_on every night, the scratches, the bruises and the bites_

I moved seductively on stage as I walked up to the front and leaned over into the crowd, shaking my finger with a teasing smile and blowing kisses to the screaming men.

_But I wanna touch,_

_and I wanna kiss,_

_and if you say no then I will persist,_

As I dipped my hips from side to side I dragged my hands up and down my body. I kept smiling because this, being up here right now felt invigorating. Seeing all the men drooling over me made me feel like I am good enough and _**he**_ missed out.

_With you tonight,_

_you'll make it right._

_You know that you're wetting my appetite_

And right then I saw him emerge through the crowd of people and make his way to the front of the stage to get a better view of me. Of course _**he**_ wants to see this. He loves watching things be destroyed and of course The BASStard needs to be right here when I throw it all away. Then right in front me Chris was there, wearing a smirk and shaking his head in delight, he couldn't believe I was up there doing this, but then again Chris doesn't know _**me**_.

Finally the night just got more interesting and my show has just begun.

_You can call me x,_

_You can call me y, _

_You can call me z, _

_You can come and try. Come and try._

I pointed my finger at Chris teasingly as I watched the crowd looking at me. I saw Serena smiling and dancing and heard her screaming my name, but I was waiting for the perfect moment to look at _**him**_ and say goodbye to a night I thought I would always treasure. I am waiting for the perfect moment to look him in the eyes and kill what we had, what _**this**_ meant.

_Don't know what you think you're doing to me, _

_(Hey! Stripper, Hey! Stripper)_

_don't know what you see it's getting to me, _

_(Hey! Stripper, Hey! I wanna be your mister)_

At that moment I unbuttoned my blazer and shimmied out of it, showing off the dress that left nothing to the imagination. I swung the blazer around before throwing it at Chris. All the men started howling at me, begging me to give them more. So I lowered myself slowly to the floor, still moving me hips from side to side and reached out into the crowd and grabbed Chris by the tie. I pulled him into a kiss where I invaded his mouth with my tongue and pulled away and pushed him back into the crowd. Leaving him breathless as all the men started to whistle.

_Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na Na na,_

_Na na, Na na, Na na, Na Na na, Na na,_

_Na na, Na na, Na Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na_

I slowly got back up and started shaking my head and flipping my hair from side to side when I saw _**him**_ looking at me. Everything about that night came rushing back to me. The way he looked at me from the couch, the way he admired me, and how he really saw _**me**_, but looking at him now in the present he wasn't standing up watching me with a smile and a raised glass in his hand. No, he had no smile, he looked like a broken little boy whose dreams had just been broken and shattered. His eyes showed pain and sadness and then I saw tears begin to roll down his face. There was no raised glass, in fact there was no glass in his hand at all, instead he lowered his head.

What did I just do? The only thing I could think about was that look on his face, the tears that were running down his cheeks, and what I just did. I don't even remember the rest of the song or how I continued to dance on stage to be honest I think I just went back to Victrola and pretended for a moment it was just me and him again, pretended like he never hurt me and pretended I never did what I just did. It was the only way I could get through the rest of the song without running off stage and crying.

But before I could get off stage and run back to Serena a pair of very familiar hands grabbed me and dragged me into a private VIP room. It was him. I know those firm strong masculine hands better than anyone. I can't be this close to him because I start remembering how things used to be and then the butterflies awake from their sleep and they start to flutter, I need to get away from him. I need to be strong and I can't let him back in.

"I know what you just did," he said in a really clam, emotionless voice, "and I can't say you were wrong and I can't say that I'm mad at you," he finally said to me with my back turned towards him.

"Chuck," I sighed as I turned around to finally face him.

"It's Charles," he stated calmly, "I don't go by that name anymore, I don't like who Chuck is," he continued to tell me with no emotion. His face was stained with tracks of tears and it killed me, it reminded me of when his father died and I found him my room and how he spent the night crying my arms and how I just held him until he cried himself to sleep.

"Well that makes two of us," I said bitterly. Why is it so hard to hate him? Why do I want to wrap my arms around him, wipe his tears away, kiss him, and say I love you? Why does he make this so hard for me?

"I'm broken," he whispered to me. What is he talking about? I'm the one who is broken. I was getting angry again.

"Chuck, what are you talking about you did this whole thing to yourself!" I yelled at him and sat down on the couch and put my face in my hands.

"I told you I'm not Chuck, I'm Charles, I will never be Chuck again," he yelled at me, "and I am broken," he said to me in a voice on the verge of tears, "I'm broken, I'm really broken, " he repeated as he sat down on the couch, " and I can't seem to put myself back together again."

Good you deserve to be broken after everything you did to me you don't deserve to get put back together. I took my face out of hands and lifted up my head, "Good that's what you get-," I turned my head to him but stopped speaking when I saw his shirt opened, revealing his chest. And that's when I saw it.

He grabbed my hand and put on his chest and moved my hands up to a marking I never seen before. It was a scar, a new scar on the left side of his chest. I couldn't believe what I was looking at and then he put my hand on it, it was cold and he winced in pain. I instantly drew my hands away and stared at him for a moment. I felt ill. I got up and opened the door. The last thing I heard him say before running out was how _**that night will always be sacred.**_

I ran out of the room. I couldn't breathe. I needed something, I needed Serena, and I needed to get the fuck out of here.

I ran and grabbed Serena and I dragged her to the bar again, but this time I couldn't wait for the bartender and I couldn't think so I jumped on top of the bar and grabbed an unopened bottle of scotch before hopping back over to the other side. I then ran out of the club with the bottle in hand and a very confused Serena chasing after me.

I opened the bottle when I made it halfway down the street and took a big swig out of it letting the amber liquid burn my insides. I then sat down on the side of the street and took off my shoes.

"Blair," Serena yelled as she caught up with me. I ignored her. "Blair," She now started to scream but I still couldn't move or answer her screams. Serena then bent down and took my face in her hands.

"I'm broken too," I whispered to her. I am broken, I am so fucking broken I don't even know where to begin to look for the pieces of myself. I finally looked up into my best friends eyes and lifted the bottle to my mouth, taking another swig. "I'm so broken Serena I still have these butterflies and they wont go away and sometimes they wake me up at night and," I paused as my eye let loose a tear and I took another swig, "I sometimes wonder what kind of butterflies they are but it doesn't matter because I already know there _**purple**_," Serena just looked at me still holding my face as I took another swig, " I made a mistake this whole night was mistake I ruined something sacred or at least I tried to say goodbye to it but I can't and _**he**_ wont let me," I started to cry.

"B, it's ok , let's go home," Serena tried to get me up, but I pushed her and shook my head in protest.

"I can't go home," I started raise my voice and cry some more.

"Blair, what's going on I'm really worried right now your scaring me," she said slowly while she watched me take another big gulp of scotch, "if you don't want to go home where do you want to go?" she asked me as she kneeled back down to me.

"I think you should take me to hospital because I'm broken maybe they know how to fix me," I started to scream at her, "I am missing my heart and you can't live with out a heart, I'm sick," It was the first time ever I saw Serena truly become scared for me she had tears in her eyes and she didn't know what to do, so she grabbed me.

"What is going on with you, what is going on with you!" she screamed at me and started to shake me, "look at me," she gave me no choice so I looked into her eyes.

"This wasn't how it was suppose to be," I said gasping for air.

"How what's supposed to be?" She pressed me further.

"M-m-my fairytale," I took another swig before more tears started to fall off my face and onto my best friends hands as she tried to wipe them away.

" I know B, I know, but what happened you were amazing tonight, what happened?"

"He- he was," I took another gasp of air, "he was sh-sh-shot," I started to sob.

"Blair who got shot," Serena started to freak out, "Blair who got shot," she repeated. I paused for a second and looked at her again and I took the bottle in my hand and took one last swig before I threw it on he ground where it smashed into thousands of pieces.

"Ch-Chu-," I started to cry again, "Chuck," Serena stared at me not comprehending the name I just uttered, "MY CHUCK," I screamed before I started shaking and wailing into Serena's arms.

TBC

A/N ok so this was a long chapter for me and very emotional to write and I know many might hate me right now but I had to do this to prove a point and even though Chuck is upset he said it himself that no matter what she does she can't ever ruin that night I have a plan and you have to stick around to see what happens. I also used lyrics from the song stripper by the soho dolls. But coming up were going to get Chuck's perspective and it will start from when he first see's Blair at the store so we will get three or two chapters in his POV and trust me I have a plan and for those of you who know you know that I would never do anything against CHAIR I love them and im completely torn over this. So you know that in the end they will be together that is a promise because it is a CB story and coming up down the road is going to be fun and a lot of swoon worthy stuff so rest assured it is coming please review because I worked really hard on this chapter and I would really love to get some feedback for it so please review and if you hate me im sorry but I promise it gets way better from here. And the other people will be gone very soon I hate them two but I needed to use them lol .

So go and press the review button and review please

Xoxo


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